Mom.
It's been 4 days, so I feel like I should be ready to talk about this and yet, I'm not. On Thursday when I was ridiculously numb to this whole thing, posting this blog was the only thing that made sense to me. I was just kinda sitting around alternating between shooting things in Gears of War 2 and talking to Mel. I didn't know how to tell anyone. Nothing felt more tacky than a Facebook update. "Casey Edwards' mother died".....But trying to contact folks independantly felt like it would be like...cutting myself slowly and yet never bleeding. I seemed emotional immune until I started the post on Thursday. It became real than and even made sense to me, in my own passive way. I gotta say thanks to everyone who reached out, I have great friends who worry about me and it's noted. I'm thankful of all of you.
I keep feeling like there should be more to say or even do, but my cousin got some great advice when his dad passed on. A friend of the family said to him "What can I tell you. This sucks." and yeah. It's not poetry, but it's true. When we had my dad's memorial I remember wanting to put a note with him before he was cremated. Something long and profound about how great a dad he was and how I wanted to make him proud or whatever. I wracked my brain thinking of it and never got anywhere. Before we let him "go" so to speak, Simon, Mom, and I went up as a family to pay our last respects. I still didn't have anything. We were about to leave I just asked for a quick moment, I went up to Dad's casket and kneeled down. "I'll miss you, Dad." It seemed to encompass everything. It does now too. But you know what, "This sucks." seems to cover it all too.
posted by Casey Edwards at
12:53 PM
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